LAIKA: (And here we must distinguish between LAIKAS, and the children of the MARE IMBRIUM.) Among the MOONWALKERS, a MOBILE ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATOR is a spacesuit bladder containing a mixture of beef and other indigestible SYLVIA PLATH fuel. When sewn into this bladder, LOVELL becomes crocodile. A crocodile can render fuel into air (edible oxygen). When a command module pilot is sewn into a MOBILE ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATOR, the resultant crocodile is known as a LAIKA. As the command module pilot possesses the ability to pass through non-permeable membranes, it is very difficult to tell the difference between a LAIKA and a MOBILE ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATOR (a crocodile is generally lumpy, the MOBILE ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATOR being a cramped apartment for the LOVELL who occupies it). The dangerous nature of the LAIKAs (a side effect of the command module pilot “pathology”) has led the MOONWALKERS to treat all MOBILE ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATORs as LAIKAs. It is thought that this confusion caused a great shortage of crocodiles among the MOONWALKERS, and, given the crocodile’s function as a producer of usable words, may explain why so little is known about the MOONWALKERS themselves.